Friendship development through childhood
At the early school age, friendships are based on the sharing of toys and objects and the enjoyment that is received from performing activities together. Friendships at this age are maintained through affection, sharing, and creative play time. Sharing is hard for children at this age level as they are very self-oriented. However, children are likely to share more with someone they consider to be a friend than with someone who is just a peer (Newman & Newman, 2012).As a child moves from early school age to middle childhood, they face the developmental task of friendship. At this stage in life, children become less individualized and more aware of others. They begin to see their friends point of view and have fun playing in groups of peers who have the same interests as them. They also experience peer rejection as they move through the middle childhood years. It is important to teach a child that it is natural to sometimes be unaccepted by others but to remain positive about the friends they still have. Establishing good friendships at a young age helps a child to be better acclimated in society later on in their life (Newman & Newman, 2012).
In a 1974 study,[21] Bigelow and La Gaipa, in one of the first studies conducted regarding children's friendships, found that expectations of a best friend become increasingly complex as a child gets older. The study investigated the criteria for "best friend" in a sample of 480 children between the ages of six and fourteen years of age.
Their findings highlighted three stages of the development of friendship expectations.
- First stage: emphasised shared activities and the importance of geographical closeness.
- Second stage: emphasised sharing, loyalty and commitment.
- Third stage: revealed growing importance of similar attitudes, values and interests.
Study of friendships in adolescent development
A study was conducted by the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health where 9,234 American adolescents were examined to determine how their engagement in problem behavior (stealing, fighting, sexual activity, truancy) was related to the kinds of friends they had and to the peer networks and schools in which these friendships were located. Findings revealed that adolescents were less likely to engage in problem behavior when their friends did well in school, participated in school activities, avoided drinking and had good mental health. Also, these positive characteristics are greater when done together within the social group. How adolescents are affected by friendships could be shaped by their location in their group. For example, the one who is most central to their peer networks were the most influenced by their friends. Results also found that adolescents have less problematic behavior when they attended schools with similar characteristics to their friends (friends who did well at school at an academically rigorous school). Ones that engaged in more problem behavior resulted from friends with opposing characteristics to the school (friends who drank at an academically rigorous school). Thus, whether adolescents were influenced by their friends to engage in problem behavior depended on how much they were exposed to these friends and whether they and their friendship groups "fit in" at school.[22]United States
In the Unites States, friendship is a more loosely based term. From the time children enter elementary school, most teachers and adults call every other peer they have a "friend" and in most classrooms, or any social setting, children are dictated as to how to behave with their friends, and are told who their friends are. This leaves for a very different base for what a friend should actually be (Stout 2010). This type of open approach to friendship, has made it so many Americans, adolescents in particular, have taken on the term "best friend". (Stout 2010). Many psychologists have deemed this term as dangerous for American children. This term is so dangerous because it allows for discrimination and groups to form, which causes for bullying in many American schools (Stout 2010). Many people in the United States have come to define their friends in a particular way, and research proves this has been happening for nearly 30 years (Sheets & Lugar 2005). For Americans, friends are people who you encounter fairly frequently that is similar to yourself in demographic, attitude, and activity (Sheets & Lugar 2005). While many other cultures value deep trust and meaning to their friendships, Americans will use the word "friend" to describe any person who has the qualities mentioned before (Stout 2010). There is also a difference in America between men and women who have friendships with the same sex. It has been studied, that it seems men in America have less deep and meaningful friendships with other men, as women have in friendships with other women. Many men and women in the United States have been studied to have similar definitions and ideas of intimacy, but when it comes to applying their intimacy to friendships, women do this with a deeper meaning (Yugar & Shapiro 2001). While studies do suggest these outcomes, it is hard to say exactly where this originated from, since there does not seem to be a historical explanation for it ( Yagar & Shapiro 2001). Many studies have also found that Americans, as time goes on, and life becomes busier; will often lose touch with friends, where as other cultures take on a more intense value. For example, an American may see a long time friend and talk about wanting to get something to eat or catch up, with no real intentions of fulfilling that suggestion. It has been studied that this can be an unusual occurrence in many other cultures (Sheets & Lugar 2005).Americans also use the term “friend” very freely, referring to someone they have known for a few weeks as a friend, perhaps for lack of a term for someone who is more than an acquaintance but less than a friend (Copeland, 2001). The rise of social networking websites – initially with Friendster, followed by others like Myspace and Facebook, which popularized the concept of "Friend requests" – also diluted the traditional meaning of friend due to the manner of many users to accept requests from people whom they have 'met' only once – or not at all – and,once the request is accepted, include that person in their "friend list"
Decline of friendships in the U. S.
According to the study:
- The percentage of Americans who had at least one confidant not connected to them through kinship dropped from 80% to 57%.
- Americans' dependence for close contact on a partner or spouse went up from 5% to 9%.
- Research has found a link between fewer friendships (especially in quality) and psychological regression.
To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it. We admit of course that besides a wife and family a man needs a few 'friends'. But the very tone of the admission, and the sort of acquaintanceships which those who make it would describe as 'friendships', show clearly that what they are talking about has very little to do with that Philía which Aristotle classified among the virtues or that Amicitia on which Cicero wrote a book.[10]Likewise, Paul Halsall claims that:
The intense emotional and affective relationships described in the past as "non-sexual" cannot be said to exist today: modern heterosexual men can be buddies, but unless drunk they cannot touch each other, or regularly sleep together. They cannot affirm that an emotional affective relationship with another man is the centrally important relationship in their lives. It is not going too far, is it, to claim that friendship – if used to translate Greek philia or Latin amicitia – hardly exists among heterosexual men in modern Western society.Mark McLelland, writing in the Western Buddhist Review under his Buddhist name of Dharmachari Jñanavira (Article), more directly points to homophobia being at the root of a modern decline in the western tradition of friendship.
Hence, in a cultural context where homosexual desire has for centuries been considered sinful, unnatural and a great evil, the experience of homoerotic desire can be very traumatic for some individuals and severely limit the potential for same-sex friendship. The Danish sociologist Henning Bech, for instance, writes of the anxiety which often accompanies developing intimacy between male friends:
The more one has to assure oneself that one's relationship with another man is not homosexual, the more conscious one becomes that it might be, and the more necessary it becomes to protect oneself against it. The result is that friendship gradually becomes impossible.Their opinion that fear of being, or being seen as, homosexual has killed off western man's ability to form close friendships with other men is shared by Japanese psychologist Doi Takeo, who claims that male friendships in American society are fraught with homosexual anxiety and thus homophobia is a limiting factor stopping men from establishing deep friendships with other men. The suggestion that friendship contains an ineluctable element of erotic desire is not new, but has been advanced by students of friendship ever since the time of the ancient Greeks, where it comes up in the writings of Plato. More recently, the Austrian philosopher Otto Weininger claimed that:
There is no friendship between men that has not an element of sexuality in it, however little accentuated it may be in the nature of the friendship, and however painful the idea of the sexual element would be. But it is enough to remember that there can be no friendship unless there has been some attraction to draw the men together. Much of the affection, protection, and nepotism between men is due to the presence of unsuspected sexual compatibility. (Sex and Character, 1903)Recent western scholarship in gender theory and feminism concurs, as reflected in the writings of Eve Sedgwick in her The Epistemology of the Closet, and Jonathan Dollimore in his Sexual Dissidence and Cultural Change: Augustine to Wilde, Freud to Foucault.
Divorce also contributes to the decline in friendship among Americans. “In international comparisons, the divorce rate in the United States is higher than that of 34 other countries including the United Kingdom, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia (Newman & Newman, 2012 pg. 475). ” With the divorce rate being so high, many couples end up losing friends through the process. This is because certain friends side with one member of the relationship and therefore lose the other friend.
Friendship and Technology: Another reason for the decline in friendships in the U. S. is due to technology. Ethan J. Leib, author of the book Friend vs. Friend and law professor at the University of California-Hastings suggests that longer hours of work and a large amount of online communication such as e-mail and excel take away from personal communication and thus make it much harder to form friendships even in the work place. Other aspects of technology including Facebook and Twitter also decrease the amount of personal communication in everyday life. These technological advances make it hard to feel emotionally connected to a friend (Newman & Newman) (Berry, 2012) (Freeman, 2011).
Gossiping: Commonly considered a malicious behavior, gossiping is defined as unflattering talk including slander and rumors about others misfortunes or talk about absent third parties. Found that negative gossip was more common than positive gossip and that females did more negative gossiping than male friends and cross gender friends (McDonald, 2012).
Effect of Developmental Issues on Friendship
Autism Spectrum DisorderAutism Spectrum Disorder "is a complex neurological and developmental disorder that affects how a person acts and interacts with others, communicates, and learns."[14] This disorder is rated on a scale; some people have more severe cases, and others have more mild cases, where the person is able to function in society as a typically developing person.[14] Children with disorders such as Autism Spectrum Disorder, and High-functioning autism or Asperger's syndrome, usually have some difficulty forming friendships. This is due to the autistic nature of some of their symptoms, which include, but are not limited to, preferring routine actions to change, obsessive interests and rituals, and usually lacking good social skills. This does not mean that they are not able to form friendships, however. It is shown that children with autism spectrum disorder are more likely to be close friends with one specific person versus a group.[15] Being very close friends with one individual is very crucial for developing social skills necessary for everyday interactions that most children with autism do not have.[15] Also, it is shown that children with autism spectrum disorder are more likely to be close friends with other children with some sort of a disability than a typically developing child.[15] Also, it is shown that a sense of parental attachment aids in the quality of friendships in children with autism spectrum disorder.[16] A sense of attachment with one's parents compensates for the lack of social skills that would usually inhibit or drastically affect friendships.[16]
With time, moderation, and proper instruction, children with autism spectrum disorder are able to form friendships after realizing their own strengths and weaknesses. In a study done by Frankel, et al., it shows that parental intervention and instruction plays an important role in developing friendships.[17] The skills taught in the session included collaboration, coping with teasing, and being a good host of a play date.[17] Along with parental intervention, school professionals, such as paraprofessionals, teachers, and special education coordinators, play an important role in teaching social skills and how to interact with peers. Paraprofessionals, specifically one-on-one aides and classroom aides, are often placed with children with autism spectrum disorder in order to facilitate friendships and guide the child to making and maintaining substantial friendships.[18]
Although lessons and training may help a lot with interactions with the peers of children with autism, bullying is still a big concern in social situations. According to Anahad O'Connor of the New York Times, bullying is most likely to occur in children who have most potential to live independently, such as children with Asperger Syndrome.[19] Children with asperger syndrome are more at risk than anyone because they have many of the rituals and lack of some social skills as children with autism, but they are mainstreamed in school because they are on the higher-functioning end of the autism spectrum.[19] O'Connor goes on to say, "Bullying of children with autism disorders most often occurs as teasing and name-calling, being shunned from activities and hitting." [19] O'Connor goes on to say that children on the autism spectrum have difficulty picking up on social cues of when they are maliciously being made fun of, so they do not always know when they are being bullied, and if they do realize, many have a difficult time talking about being bullied.[19]
ADD & ADHD
Children with ADHD may not have difficulty forming friendships, but they may have a hard time keeping friendships because of impulsive behaviour and hyperactivity. Children with inattentive ADD may not have as much trouble keeping and maintaining friendships, but inattentiveness may make it more difficult. Children with conditions such as Asperger's syndrome may find it easier to form a strong friendship with a child who has a condition such as ADHD due to similar interests and behaviours.[citation needed]. Parents of children with ADHD worry about their children's ability to make long-lasting friendships. "Making and keeping friends requires 'hundreds' of skills-talking, listening, sharing, being empathetic, and so on. These skills do not come naturally to children with ADD" (Edelman, 2012). There are many different reasons why children with ADD/ADHD have problems with forming good friendships. For example, one of the symptoms of this developmental issue is having difficulty listening. In friendship, you need good listening skills to have a long-lasting friendship. Another symptom of ADD/ADHD is impulsivity. Children with this disorder could drive away children by "blurting out unkind comments" (Edelman, 2012), because of their impulsivity. This can make it much more difficult for these children to keep friendships. Also, by the child's disruptive behavior from their impulsivity, this can become too distractive to his/her classmates.[20]
Friendship quality
(Berndt, 2002). -Children prize friendships that are high in prosocial behavior, intimacy, and other positive features. -Children are troubled by friendships that are high in conflicts, dominance, rivalry, and other negative features. -Friendships are high in quality when they have high levels of positive features and low levels of negative features. -High-quality friendships have often been assumed to have positive effects on many aspects of children’s social development. -The direct effects of friendship quality appear to be quite specific. -Having friendships high in positive features enhances children’s success in the social world of peers, but it apparently does not affect children’s general self-esteem. These findings are surprising because numerous studies with adults suggest that friendships and other supportive relationships enhance many aspects of adults’ physical and mental health, including their self-esteem -High-quality friendships may also have indirect effects on children’s social development. Most theories of social influence include some form of the hypothesis that children are more strongly influenced by their friends’ characteristics the higher the quality of those friendships.Quality of Friendship
- Friendship is “Life Enhancing” (Helm, 2012). By engaging in activities with friends, pleasure and happiness are intensified. The quality of friendships relates to happiness because friendship “provides a context where basic needs are satisfied” (Demir, 2010). By experiencing a good quality of friendship, the individual is led to feel more comfortable with who they are as a person. Ultimately, good quality friendships connect with the meaning of life satisfaction. Higher friendship quality directly contributes to self-esteem, self-confidence, and social development (Berndt, 2002).
- Friendship has two dimensions (Demir, 2007). The two dimension include: quality and conflict. The quality of friendship is important for a persons well being and it contributes to the closeness of friends. Within the quality of friendship, it is important to have healthy and interesting interaction. This type of interaction leads to a higher quality of friendship. The second dimension is conflict, which connects with the quality of friendships. High quality friendships have great ways of resolving conflict which ultimately leads to a stronger and healthier relationship.
International Friendship Day
International Friendship Day is a day for celebrating friendship. The day has been celebrated in several southern South American countries for many years, particularly in Paraguay, where the first World Friendship Day was proposed in 1958.[1]
Initially created by the greeting card industry, evidence from social networking sites shows a revival of interest in the holiday that may have grown with the spread of the Internet, particularly in India, Bangladesh, and Malaysia. Digital communication modes such as the Internet and mobile phones may be helping to popularize the custom, since greeting friends en masse is now easier than before. Those who promote the holiday in South Asia attribute the tradition of dedicating a day in honor of friends to have originated in the U.S. in 1935, but it actually dates from 1919. The exchange of Friendship Day gifts like flowers, cards and wrist bands is a popular tradition of this occasion.[2][3]
Friendship Day celebrations occur on different dates in different countries. The first World Friendship Day was proposed for 30 July 1958.[4] On 27 April 2011 the General Assembly of the United Nations declared[5] 30 July as official International Friendship Day. However, some countries, including India,[6] celebrate Friendship Day on the first Sunday of August.
History
Friendship Day was originally promoted by Joyce Hall, the founder of Hallmark cards in 1930, intended to be the 2nd August and a day when people celebrated their friendships by sending cards. The second of August was chosen as the centre of the largest lull between holiday celebrations. Friendship Day was promoted by the greeting card National Association during the 1920s but met with consumer resistance - given that it was her too obviously a commercial gimmick to promote greetings cards. By the 1940s the number of Friendship Day cards available in the US had dwindled and the holiday largely died out there. There is no evidence to date for its uptake in Europe; however, it has been kept alive and revitalised in Asia, where several countries have adopted it.
In honor of Friendship Day in 1998, Nane Annan, wife of UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan, named Winnie the Pooh as the world's Ambassador of Friendship at the United Nations. The event was co-sponsored by the U.N. Department of Public Information and Disney Enterprises, and was co-hosted by Kathy Lee Gifford.
Some friends acknowledge each other with exchanges of gifts and cards on this day. Friendship bands are very popular in India, Nepal, Bangladesh and parts of South America.[2] With the advent of social networking sites, Friendship Day is also being celebrated online.[3] The commercialization of the Friendship Day celebrations has led to some dismissing it as a "marketing gimmick". But nowadays it is celebrated on the first Sunday of August rather than July 30. However, on July 27, 2011 the 65th Session of the United Nations General Asambly declared July 30 as "International Day of Friendship". [7]
World Friendship Crusade
Since 2011 the United Nations recognizes July 30 as International Day of Friendship.
The idea of a World Friendship Day was first proposed on 20 July 1958 by Dr. Artemio Bracho during a dinner with friends in Puerto Pinasco, a town on the River Paraguay about 200 miles north of Asuncion, Paraguay.[8]
Out of this humble meeting of friends, the World Friendship Crusade was born. The World Friendship Crusade is a foundation that promotes friendship and fellowship among all human beings, regardless of race, colour or religion. Since then, July 30th has been faithfully celebrated as Friendship Day in Paraguay every year and has also been adopted by several other countries.[9]
The World Friendship Crusade has lobbied the United Nations for many years to recognise July 30th as World Friendship Day and finally on 27th July 2011 the General Assembly of the United Nations decided to designate July 30th as the International Day of Friendship; and to invite all Member States to observe the International Day of Friendship in accordance with the culture and customs of their local, national and regional communities, including through education and public awareness-raising activities. [7]
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